What Wonders Naureen!

Relationship manager

2010-03-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have a friend whi works as a 'Relationship Manager' at a bank!! MUAHAHAHAH :)

Consistency

2010-02-08T23:32:00.000-08:00

I hav a problem with consistency in some things. I cant keep doing them. I jaan churaoofy a lot. I think thats what happening with my blog too!

I hardly return lib books on time. That is me. Even rented cartoon movies as a child!!

Anyways, there are some awesome books out there! Theres one that seems really interesting! I am so ordering it!

Am reading Mukhtara Mai's autobiography these days. Really interesting. thats one strong woman.

Am also reading Breaking dawn at the same time!! Also need to start Harry Potter ki book 4!!! Ahh.
And oh, for books which deal well with humor, I'd suggest "Wild Designs". I forget the name of the author!

Work is super busy. I also have flu and gala kharaab! hmm.

a weird day

2010-01-27T03:08:00.000-08:00

Its a weird day here today.

One of the maids recently had a baby girl. This is her 6th child. She already had 5 daughters and she and her hubby REALLY wanted a son!

She's sad. I have seen her pehlay. She has gone weak from so many pregnancies. They kept trying for a son. Uff. Yes, i understand the poverty and male heir debate. Yet, the sex of the child is not in ur control. They seemed so sure it was going to be a son!

And well, now, when the baby was born, her husband refused to even look at her. Its sad.

U know. Some people dont deserve kids, they just dont. U played a game (YES!) - it was a hit or miss. U missed. u got a daughter. now u r gona make her pay all her life. I doubt she will be loved. Its all crap. Parenthood i mean.

All u want is someone u can pass on the lineage to. U just want immortality and support. Love is an illusion for such parents.

And there are many such parents out there!

Elevators

2010-01-26T03:52:00.000-08:00

I like elevators! They have mirrors :)
Hm. I havent watched avatar yet. Will soon. I hope it doesnt have a sad ending. I hate sad endings!!

I have been thinking abt the movie, "One fine day". George clooney is soo hot!! i wanna watch it again.

New hopes, new dreams. I wanna look ahead. Move on and savor the moment. Lahore weather is AMAZING :) SubhanAllah. Wow i love mild winters!! and well, i miss the rain though!

Going to get new curtains for my room soon IA. M soo excited! :)

Strawberry smoothie!

2010-01-24T21:12:00.000-08:00

I wanna make a strawberry smoothie! Got any cool recipes??

But no strawberries in lahore yet!!

I am a tea freak!! Yup! I love sipping tea esp in lahore!!!

The weight watch

2010-01-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Ok. I have an idea!! Here's the thing, I hav been overweight since I was 12. I hav been overweight half of my life!! Will I b overweight more than half my life? Let's c. Its different being in a bigger body! Esp wen ppl assume a natural right on u- on criticizing u and telling u wat to do! Its frustrating really!
It is,. Khair. As I said, i have been overweight since i was 12. diets, starving, exercise - tried it all and gave it up too quickly. and lets face the facts/fats!

I dont wana spend my youth being overweight. I even want to be a pretty well-dressed and managed older woman - thats who I wanna be. Gotta start now. No matter how pretty u r, weight always plays a crucial role!!! And well, fat is lazy people!- i dont wana be fat :P

if u r a working woman, being overweight doesnt help. u get judged a lot. ur work does count a lot but ur body is the first thing people notice - yes they do and it can become a BIG battle ground for power.. in different ways. People commenting and all. Sure, u can say dont worry abt people - u try not to but after a point, this things gets haunting and frustrating. I have started telling people off - asking them to mind their own business.

But anyways, amidst the control of Naureen vs the world on Naureen, i am embarking on a journey now. I wana c how far I can go with the weight loss thing. Along with some updates, I will enlighten u as to whats its like being in a bigger body size - how it feels sometimes. What people ACTUALLY say. And baby, i know today its ur weight, tommorow its gonna be something else they comment on. ("Naureen tumhari aankhoon mein bohat distance hai :P) - yeah i have been told that too.

But whatever it is, I cant deny that the weight thing is there - i cant overlook the fat. So I choose to lose it.

Will Naureen accomplish her goal? Will she conquer the demon that all women dread?

I'll keep u posted :)

So lets me face the fats!! :)

My New YEars resolution

2010-01-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

Woww! 2010 is here!

I pray that this year is awesome for all of u, AAMEEN :)

Here's my new years resolution: To try to be more thankful; to gaze at what i have and what i can create from it rather than what is waning and has perished!!

I hope i decrease my complaining and increase my thankfulness to Allah for what He has granted me :)

Also, i want to work more towards my Aakhirat. Wana think about death more. its a reality lingering, ready to conquer anytime. I want to be prepared.

And also, eat healthy and be healthy and not starve myself! And take care of myself :) :)

i think losing weight is every woman's new year resolution!

By the Way

2010-01-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

And by the way, the pain goes away everyday :)

After I share my words.

Love,
N

The Ultimate Test

2010-01-04T00:45:00.000-08:00

The ultimate test of all.

To love someone since the day you were born and losing them. Not physically but emotionally. Being taken in an isolated place where its you and the person you love. And seeing the monsters around them.. monsters that linger in memory of yours.

And you make a run for your life. For the person you love has changed. Your voice is the same. Loving. Strong, still has the "I will take care of everything" ring to it. Only now I know ur words are hollow coz u failed me. And everyday, I want to be near you again. And tell you that I love you. The conversation ends within me - my love is unacquired now - or rather, disillusioned. All the love I still feel within turns into sharp, pointed pieces of wood every day. And every day I sigh and bleed bit by bit. And I love you. I still do.

And everynight, I heal. A little bit from the wounds of my love, a little bit from the wounds of you.

One day I will heal significantly. One day. Its like writing drafts every day. One day I will nail this pain. INSHALLAH, one day I will and you will perish into obseleteness for me.

Such is the pain of love. This is the power of perseverance.

Love,
N

Love

2010-01-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

And then it dawned on her.
How much she loved him.
What love was like in reality. In reality, love is a bird. it keeps flying and its free. No matter how close u r, u can never grab it. It is the fall of a person - the feeling after jumping. Being helpless. Dont know where u will land. On the mercy of Thy Lord is love.

And no matter how hard she tried. When she thought she really understood his love, the love waned. Its.... hard. She felt overwhelmed by his words and it made her crave for more. But the bird choose to fly ahead.

Will it come back? She doesnt know. She can hear the bird's occassional chirping though and feel its presence and a vaccuum left behind.

Love,
Naureen

ROmantic songs

2009-12-29T21:12:00.003-08:00

I like romantic songs... i do :P
hmm my fav. ? I think its gotta be Ï knew I loved u by Savage Garden!

"Dada ke paas"

2009-12-23T03:23:00.000-08:00

I was just walking back from the Accounts building. Its a beautiful day... I love winters..

They have a happiness in sadness...
I was reminded of something today. Something taht probably happened back in 94 or 95! Its been so many years...

My nana died in 94 - the first death in my family. I was 9 i think. It was.. awkward and weird. I dont register deaths very well. Leting go of people .. putting closures - its a tough spot for all of us isnt it?

I obsess about people dying -i cant stop talking about them. i cant stop thinking about them, their voices, their love, their existence, the last moments... it takes quite some time to collect myself. I guess we all deal with deaths differently - i freak out.

Lately, after a friend passed away, it has made me more .. thoughtful about my death. My aakhirat. I hope she finds peace and prosperity in her afterlife, AAMEEN.

I hope when i die, i am ok with it - i wanna be ok with death from now on - coz it can happen any time to any one of us. I hope i fill all my days with love and happiness and generosity for myself and those around and i hope i am able to reach out to people. to extend my hand.

Sometimes, i feel so cut off from the person i used to be, i cant face my old friends or people i knew. Its too hard. I'd rather start over.

Karachi for me is a sad place- a place with so many memories, i doubt i'll enjoy the place anytime. The sea shore depresses me. The people make me feel.. trapped.

Khair, so my nana died and i had little cousins... a lil cuz must be 4 or 5 i think. He really missed my nana (or his dada :) They were moving to the U.S. after nana's death... i remember vividly my cousin telling me, all excited and bubbly, "main America ja raha hoon, dada ke paas!" thats what his mom told him i think.. he was so excited! I hope he didnt remember this when he got there, boy, he would have been disappointed.

Children are so naive! They make me cry sometimes - kya pata aagay kya hai :p I wonder if someone looks at me that way, like a child, and excalims, "Issay kya pata!" :p

Hello

2009-12-20T12:20:00.001-08:00

Sorry. Long time. No me!!

Was busy with stuff!!

Hey, tell me, if you jump off a cliff, waht would u want to happen next? (If anything was possible?)

Just wondering!!

Acceptance

2009-11-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

A friend passed away in a car accident yesterday.

Car ulat gai motorway pe. She dies of a head fracture - she was unconsious at first but the hospitals nearby didnt have the right facilities.. So by the time she got to the third hospital, she passed away. May Allah rest her soul in peace.

Its sad. We have had pretty close moments. We were in the same classes during one point in time. It is too much to grasp. I found out at 3 am yesterday and the fact that she has passed away is not sinking in.

Please recite Surah Fatiha for her. May God give her family and friends the strength to face this loss, AAMEEN.

What do I blog about?

2009-11-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Hmm.

Here's a thought..

I just cancelled my GRE exam

I saw this man today.. weirdo... another student in my uni. You know one of those looks when men look at you hungrily - you can see it in their eyes. It was sickening. Seriously. He knew some of my acquaintances - he came upto them then. I hated him - eww. u know - i didnt realize someone's presence could disgust me so much!

Eids coming up!!

I think i like cats now - they are so fluffy and adorable but they do still scare me.

I met a dog this week called Twixie! Adorableeee!!!

I bought two sarees this week - gorgeous man!!

I have a winnie the pooh ka mat! :)

I am going to watch desperate houswives now :D

or maybe work on my applications :)

Buh bye!!

Whatcha doin?

The Austrian Incest Case - The Real Bastard (WTF)

2009-11-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

This is another post for the WTF column. ( If u wanna know more about the WTF column, click here )

Joseph Fritzl, the real bastard, says, "I am sorry; I cant make it right anymore."

Yeah, right. That is SOO just SHOO sweet Mr. Fritzl - that is exactly what we want to hear. Bloody hell.

You RAPED your OWN DAUGHTER constantly for 24 years. Oh no, here's the damn catch, you have been sexually abusing her since she was 11. She tries to run away when she was 16 but came back again. (of course, where can she really go?). At 18, she tried to run again. She came back. You locked her in the basement! And then on for TWENTY-FOUR years you kept her in a dungeon. Seriously?

And oh, you are sorry! Damn your ass Mr. Fritzl. Even if you are mentally sick - which I am sure you are - nothing you did is justified! You deserve to be castrated repeatedly - I wouldnt mind personally doing the honors.

People such as him should be treated in such a way that its an example to the rest of the potential criminals. And what about his wife?Seriosuly! One messed up man and wife!

You can see the manhoosiyat on his face.

tring Tring!!

2009-11-15T23:47:00.000-08:00

Hello!!! I attended A's wedding over the weekend! A is one of my closest friends. Please join me in praying for her - May she have a wonderful life ahead (and May you do too) AAMEEN. :) There were roses on her wedding! I lovvvve roses!!

My left eye is twitching since yesterday! it is really annoying!

i love winters here- the fog is AMAZING.

"If winter would say, 'spring is in my heart', who would believe winter?"
-Khalil Gibran!

Beautiful Shot

2009-11-12T01:56:00.000-08:00

Lovely portrait! The woman has so much elegance.. I love the simple, happy feel of the picture!!

I think the picture portrays a happy womanhood you know... a jolly, happy, smiling life.

I wanna photograph like that!! :)

Fever

2009-11-11T04:29:00.000-08:00

Naureen has fever...

Yeah she does!

Brrr. I rested the whole day!! Yeah its better - cudnt sleep at all last night!!

Pray for me :)

Naureen.

Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

2009-11-10T03:26:00.000-08:00

Hey,

I have flu.. what else do u expect to happen when u go out in the lahore cold and thandi hawa after taking a bath. I covered my head but thought i didnt look 'cool' so i took off the shawl :P

Man,
I have had fluuu!! Half an hour to go and then a meeting at 7 today... i think i am gonna rest.

Had a really romantic lunch today. Stop. Romantic means eating lunch in the winter breeze. I had a light lunch. I have started hating the crowded PDC. its so loud and annoying! yeah. I sat on a bench in a garden and had lunch :D Yayy! And yes, i was alone :P

maybe i should make myself some coffee right now? Hmmm.

WTF?

2009-11-09T23:03:00.000-08:00

Hello. This is my first WTF post. It is basically Naureen saying "what the fuck?" to things that seem outrageous, unjust, unfair, and twisted.

If you see me talking about it in person, I will probably have a frown, a tight jaw, rage in my eyes (its not pretty!) and will probably be saying through clenched teeth, "Seriously? They are SO fucked up! Who the hell do they think they are. Its not fair"

Yeah yeah thats life and blah blah. BUT i believe, if u can kick ass, kick it while u can! And sometimes, give these inequalities personified a good kick in the ass (be it male or female)

Yeah, thats my violent streak :p

So here goes...

WTF 1: Female Genital Mutilation

Yes. they cut parts of female genitals in some countries. It is advocated by social sanction. It is said to decrease adultery as a female does not get the privelege of feeling sexual pleasure after this.

They do it to infants. I mean, infants for God's sake? Females going through it go through a lot of pain within and after these procedures. Most of them dont take medical precautions (I am still not clear on this though). You know, after these procedures - child birth is hell for these women. Urinating for some is still a problem.

How can u rip a girl off her own rights to her body and security? It is said to be a sign of chastity if girls go through these procedures.

Some say Islam allows it, but this site looks into it. Chastity, virginity, social values - u know whats fascinating. Culture sometimes cloaks religous values and ideas - yup. And it still claims to be 'righteous'.

Human beings can do really fucked up things. I mean dude, seriously!!

Love is a beautiful thing

2009-11-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this song - it speaks to my heart.

I love the feeling in this song and in the voice. The original is by Al Green but i also love the Krystal Harris version.

I couldnt post the video. So here's the link

:)
Love is a beautiful thing.

Sadness

2009-11-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

I think i like being sad sometimes. Sometimes, i just am. Coz the things pain can teach u, happiness cant and vice versa.

I hope i never stop being thankful for what I have. I like being aggressively positive and to make things work out - to carve my life out the way I can. I like wonderful things in life. I want wonderful, big things in life. I want to make a difference in this world and no, not through a paris hilton song :p but through my own work which feeds my soul!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!!1

Optimist, annoying happy one

2009-11-04T04:08:00.001-08:00

I never felt the value of sorrow until today....

AB had a tweet about how being grumpy makes u have clear thinking while the annoying happy ones dont have some qualities that grumpy people do...

I never realized how much staying happy meant to me.. until now. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins, the excitement when i am happy.

When i am sad, i have a lump in my throat. Have tears pouring out of my eyes even while working... in the days that i am sad, i can feel the very things that hold me together - the lump in my throat is giving away my being, my life - its a surrender. The heaviness in my heart keeps me together i think. I can feel the core of me. the hold it has on my being and the fact that it is keeping me from breaking down.

I dont wanna be a pessimist, it depresses me.=. I believe in a thing called love :)

Love,
Naureen

I WISH I HAD PEOPLE COMMENTING! :p

AD-DHUHA (The Morning Hours, Morning Bright)

2009-11-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

These verses are beautiful. For all you morning lovers out there, here is the link

I wish

2009-10-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

I wish your memories didnt haunt me so much. The sigh when I think of you and how amazing it was.

I wish I could let it all go.

I loved and I came far and was awarded with a lot of wonderful things and then, a pain in my heart.

I wish I had answers, answers for what really happened? What really went wrong.

Its worse to be executed when you dont know the crime, and its better to know that the executioner was an asshole.

The pain lessens, the memory remains.

I would if I could .. forget. But then I think of the movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"... and well, I like JIm Carey and I think of my latest crushes and the world is a vibrant place again.

I really loved you, you know. Whats worse is you understood me, so you know my side I believe. What haunts is what really WAS your side of it? I still dont have answers and from the look of it, I know i wont get them - maybe someday, maybe not. Would knowing make it more bearable? I dont know. But the connection i had with you was strong - its a love story cut short like Karachi power supply sometimes.

Anyways, you gotta take some pebbles, you gotta take some scars. You are mine.

And if i see you again, I WILL kick your butt :)

25 random things about Naureen

2009-10-27T14:50:00.001-07:00

Since, i am not known in the blog-world yet, here is a self-tag!

1. I am absolutely in love with my name. I love the ring of it, i love how u spell it - it is a unique and lovely music to my ears!

I lovvee my name

2. I love ice cream. Ever since i was a child. i had a chocolate craze pehlay but i always loved ice cubes and well ice cream.

the frozen heaven in ur mouth. YUM!! my fav is walls vanilla chocolate!

3. I love the social sciences. I am crazy about gender studies. I want to do some ground-breaking working on it. But more than that,

I want to reach out to people through it. Inequalities of education, rights, safety, development. Ooh there's much to do and

I want to do my share

4. I want to have a full life. Marriage, work, kids, happiness. I dont believe in sacrificing self even though i am a loving person.

5. I want to have a home some day. I also want to have a person in my life who i can call my Home. its the most beautiful

relationship in the world (considering no abuse involved).

6. I am really interested in children's literature that has to do with sexual abuse prevention. I even have some children's books

on it.

7. I wanna be a writer. there is a writer within me. taking rest, ready to fly. it has to fly. Blogging is my practise :)

8. I hate people who take up my personal space just coz i may seem sweet. I can be bitchy. totally been there. its a matter of

time :P

9. I love work. No not in the sense that i will forget everything else. but i love to work. to have dreams and a purpose. it keeps

my alive!

10. I love motivational talks after a long period of work. or even during long period of work.

11. My friends are my love. Allah swt has granted me a LOT through them. My friends are my energy :)

12. I love clothes and shopping just doo!!

13. I have an obsession with the color blue. if I spot something blue, at times, its hard to take my eyes away from it. I keep

gazing at the sky a lot.

14. I love the rain. i think its a sign of Allah's blessing. its the most beautiful thing in the world.

15. I love white shirts - they look gorgeous. crisp white that is.

16. I love mornings. they are beautiful

17. i love spring and winters. i love coffee during winters.

18. For people whom i love, i give it my all.

19. i love birds esp parrots and chicks :) (yeah, yeah :P)

20. My favourite movie - they keep changing, i loved North Country and The peaceful warrior.

21. I LOVE college. Its the greatest thing ever! One of the most beautiful things that has happened to me.

22. Life is seeping within, awakening the shadows of doubts,

releasing the numbness within,

Within also lies fear, that keeps coming back :)

23. Most romantic song: "I knew I loved you" savage garden ka.

24. I sound like a child - i am not complaining :) But yeah i sound like a child alright.

25. I have already chosen names for my kids. Yup. :)

This is what it has come to

2009-10-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

LUMS had a high security threat.. all Pakistani unis do. So I left the dorms. Hence, limited internet access. Limited. Hence, no blogging!!

AAh! when i am around i am thinking, i will blog about this and i will blog about that!

Been applying to MAsters programs. dimaag ghoom raha hai. Esp after the bad grade i recently got, i seem to have lost my ground in research - i am also losing my confidence

But one things for sure, I LOVE anthropological research - i just need more training. Main tou choota sa ullu bacha huun :P

anyways i often think (now that i am close to graduation), kay aagay kya hoga? According to Absar,

"Gender studies mat parho, koi tum se shaadi nahi karay ga!" Hmm. Thought-Provoking.

Especially since i am interested in studying masculinity.

You know about being an ullu bacha, i am a very dedicated person - i cling to my passion like Harry Potter clings to his broom stick during a Quidditch match. Upon work, I feel the wind, the motion in my body, the excitement go "Whoosh". Oh yeah, upon completion, i feel this calm.

For a few days, my mind cant make sense of the research (after I complete a project- its like i am a seperate entity then) it comes back to me slowly then in a different way and rests within. Seriously, thats what i love!

And u know i always loved writing papers. I had so much going in the summers this year, that i messed up my final paper! According to my instructors, "We'll remember your good papers!"

And hey, masters mein apply karna is a lot of work! - what ARE my research interests?? Well,

Child labor,

islamic art,

masculinity and society,

female genital mutilation,

violence and gender: gendered violence. (all these serial killers killing prostitutes)

sexual torture during war

hmm, trafficking and prositution,

women and work (Oh yeah! working women and their own perceptions!)

And of course, feminist literature - I may not agree with it all but it sure is a fascinating read!

so yeah those are some of my interests!

Now build a statement of purpose on them :)

LOL

a bit more about me

2009-10-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

I am a 24 year old Female from Pakistan.

my interests: gender studies, child labor, islamic art, movies, twilight (edward ooooh!), oprah winfrey's talk shows and mag and i love reading martha beck's columns!!

I wana be a kick-ass working woman someday!! Seriously! Its my dream - early morning jogs, then going to office - coffee, work amazing!!

If i find something, i love to do - i give it my all.

If I hate what i have to do, i procrastinate!

i love parrots! and all sorts of birds!!!

I wanna own a dog someday - labrador- I am gonna call him Awesome.

Love is a fascinating discovery for me- i think it is divine, romantic! All the amazing things it can be! I can be a hopeless romantic -

for me its always about finding things i am passionate about.

I love the color white - i love SHOPPING!!!!!!! yes thats heaven

My favourite shop is khaadi! The shop rocks!!!

I love to read...

too much long posts bore me so i shall end my post here ;) :)

YAY!!!

2009-10-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

Back to the blogging world!! I miss it - esp when i read other people's blogs!!

I mean i have got so much to say! (i talk non-stop waisay bhi!!) its a great way to talk and talk and talk

And i love to talk about myself :P so blog. here I come!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!