I wish

I wish your memories didnt haunt me so much. The sigh when I think of you and how amazing it was.

I wish I could let it all go.

I loved and I came far and was awarded with a lot of wonderful things and then, a pain in my heart.

I wish I had answers, answers for what really happened? What really went wrong.

Its worse to be executed when you dont know the crime, and its better to know that the executioner was an asshole.

The pain lessens, the memory remains.

I would if I could .. forget. But then I think of the movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"... and well, I like JIm Carey and I think of my latest crushes and the world is a vibrant place again.

I really loved you, you know. Whats worse is you understood me, so you know my side I believe. What haunts is what really WAS your side of it? I still dont have answers and from the look of it, I know i wont get them - maybe someday, maybe not. Would knowing make it more bearable? I dont know. But the connection i had with you was strong - its a love story cut short like Karachi power supply sometimes.

Anyways, you gotta take some pebbles, you gotta take some scars. You are mine.

And if i see you again, I WILL kick your butt :)

25 random things about Naureen

Since, i am not known in the blog-world yet, here is a self-tag!

1. I am absolutely in love with my name. I love the ring of it, i love how u spell it - it is a unique and lovely music to my ears!

I lovvee my name

2. I love ice cream. Ever since i was a child. i had a chocolate craze pehlay but i always loved ice cubes and well ice cream.

the frozen heaven in ur mouth. YUM!! my fav is walls vanilla chocolate!

3. I love the social sciences. I am crazy about gender studies. I want to do some ground-breaking working on it. But more than that,

I want to reach out to people through it. Inequalities of education, rights, safety, development. Ooh there's much to do and

I want to do my share

4. I want to have a full life. Marriage, work, kids, happiness. I dont believe in sacrificing self even though i am a loving person.

5. I want to have a home some day. I also want to have a person in my life who i can call my Home. its the most beautiful

relationship in the world (considering no abuse involved).

6. I am really interested in children's literature that has to do with sexual abuse prevention. I even have some children's books

on it.

7. I wanna be a writer. there is a writer within me. taking rest, ready to fly. it has to fly. Blogging is my practise :)

8. I hate people who take up my personal space just coz i may seem sweet. I can be bitchy. totally been there. its a matter of

time :P

9. I love work. No not in the sense that i will forget everything else. but i love to work. to have dreams and a purpose. it keeps

my alive!

10. I love motivational talks after a long period of work. or even during long period of work.

11. My friends are my love. Allah swt has granted me a LOT through them. My friends are my energy :)

12. I love clothes and shopping just doo!!

13. I have an obsession with the color blue. if I spot something blue, at times, its hard to take my eyes away from it. I keep

gazing at the sky a lot.

14. I love the rain. i think its a sign of Allah's blessing. its the most beautiful thing in the world.

15. I love white shirts - they look gorgeous. crisp white that is.

16. I love mornings. they are beautiful

17. i love spring and winters. i love coffee during winters.

18. For people whom i love, i give it my all.

19. i love birds esp parrots and chicks :) (yeah, yeah :P)

20. My favourite movie - they keep changing, i loved North Country and The peaceful warrior.

21. I LOVE college. Its the greatest thing ever! One of the most beautiful things that has happened to me.

22. Life is seeping within, awakening the shadows of doubts,

releasing the numbness within,

Within also lies fear, that keeps coming back :)

23. Most romantic song: "I knew I loved you" savage garden ka.

24. I sound like a child - i am not complaining :) But yeah i sound like a child alright.

25. I have already chosen names for my kids. Yup. :)

This is what it has come to

LUMS had a high security threat.. all Pakistani unis do. So I left the dorms. Hence, limited internet access. Limited. Hence, no blogging!!

AAh! when i am around i am thinking, i will blog about this and i will blog about that!

Been applying to MAsters programs. dimaag ghoom raha hai. Esp after the bad grade i recently got, i seem to have lost my ground in research - i am also losing my confidence

But one things for sure, I LOVE anthropological research - i just need more training. Main tou choota sa ullu bacha huun :P

anyways i often think (now that i am close to graduation), kay aagay kya hoga? According to Absar,

"Gender studies mat parho, koi tum se shaadi nahi karay ga!" Hmm. Thought-Provoking.

Especially since i am interested in studying masculinity.

You know about being an ullu bacha, i am a very dedicated person - i cling to my passion like Harry Potter clings to his broom stick during a Quidditch match. Upon work, I feel the wind, the motion in my body, the excitement go "Whoosh". Oh yeah, upon completion, i feel this calm.

For a few days, my mind cant make sense of the research (after I complete a project- its like i am a seperate entity then) it comes back to me slowly then in a different way and rests within. Seriously, thats what i love!

And u know i always loved writing papers. I had so much going in the summers this year, that i messed up my final paper! According to my instructors, "We'll remember your good papers!"

And hey, masters mein apply karna is a lot of work! - what ARE my research interests?? Well,

Child labor,

islamic art,

masculinity and society,

female genital mutilation,

violence and gender: gendered violence. (all these serial killers killing prostitutes)

sexual torture during war

hmm, trafficking and prositution,

women and work (Oh yeah! working women and their own perceptions!)

And of course, feminist literature - I may not agree with it all but it sure is a fascinating read!

so yeah those are some of my interests!

Now build a statement of purpose on them :)

LOL

a bit more about me

I am a 24 year old Female from Pakistan.

my interests: gender studies, child labor, islamic art, movies, twilight (edward ooooh!), oprah winfrey's talk shows and mag and i love reading martha beck's columns!!

I wana be a kick-ass working woman someday!! Seriously! Its my dream - early morning jogs, then going to office - coffee, work amazing!!

If i find something, i love to do - i give it my all.

If I hate what i have to do, i procrastinate!

i love parrots! and all sorts of birds!!!

I wanna own a dog someday - labrador- I am gonna call him Awesome.

Love is a fascinating discovery for me- i think it is divine, romantic! All the amazing things it can be! I can be a hopeless romantic -

for me its always about finding things i am passionate about.

I love the color white - i love SHOPPING!!!!!!! yes thats heaven

My favourite shop is khaadi! The shop rocks!!!

I love to read...

too much long posts bore me so i shall end my post here ;) :)

YAY!!!

Back to the blogging world!! I miss it - esp when i read other people's blogs!!

I mean i have got so much to say! (i talk non-stop waisay bhi!!) its a great way to talk and talk and talk

And i love to talk about myself :P so blog. here I come!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!