a weird day

Its a weird day here today.

One of the maids recently had a baby girl. This is her 6th child. She already had 5 daughters and she and her hubby REALLY wanted a son!

She's sad. I have seen her pehlay. She has gone weak from so many pregnancies. They kept trying for a son. Uff. Yes, i understand the poverty and male heir debate. Yet, the sex of the child is not in ur control. They seemed so sure it was going to be a son!

And well, now, when the baby was born, her husband refused to even look at her. Its sad.

U know. Some people dont deserve kids, they just dont. U played a game (YES!) - it was a hit or miss. U missed. u got a daughter. now u r gona make her pay all her life. I doubt she will be loved. Its all crap. Parenthood i mean.

All u want is someone u can pass on the lineage to. U just want immortality and support. Love is an illusion for such parents.

And there are many such parents out there!

Elevators

I like elevators! They have mirrors :)
Hm. I havent watched avatar yet. Will soon. I hope it doesnt have a sad ending. I hate sad endings!!

I have been thinking abt the movie, "One fine day". George clooney is soo hot!! i wanna watch it again.

New hopes, new dreams. I wanna look ahead. Move on and savor the moment. Lahore weather is AMAZING :) SubhanAllah. Wow i love mild winters!! and well, i miss the rain though!

Going to get new curtains for my room soon IA. M soo excited! :)

Strawberry smoothie!

I wanna make a strawberry smoothie! Got any cool recipes??

But no strawberries in lahore yet!!

I am a tea freak!! Yup! I love sipping tea esp in lahore!!!

The weight watch

Ok. I have an idea!! Here's the thing, I hav been overweight since I was 12. I hav been overweight half of my life!! Will I b overweight more than half my life? Let's c. Its different being in a bigger body! Esp wen ppl assume a natural right on u- on criticizing u and telling u wat to do! Its frustrating really!
It is,. Khair. As I said, i have been overweight since i was 12. diets, starving, exercise - tried it all and gave it up too quickly. and lets face the facts/fats!

I dont wana spend my youth being overweight. I even want to be a pretty well-dressed and managed older woman - thats who I wanna be. Gotta start now. No matter how pretty u r, weight always plays a crucial role!!! And well, fat is lazy people!- i dont wana be fat :P

if u r a working woman, being overweight doesnt help. u get judged a lot. ur work does count a lot but ur body is the first thing people notice - yes they do and it can become a BIG battle ground for power.. in different ways. People commenting and all. Sure, u can say dont worry abt people - u try not to but after a point, this things gets haunting and frustrating. I have started telling people off - asking them to mind their own business.

But anyways, amidst the control of Naureen vs the world on Naureen, i am embarking on a journey now. I wana c how far I can go with the weight loss thing. Along with some updates, I will enlighten u as to whats its like being in a bigger body size - how it feels sometimes. What people ACTUALLY say. And baby, i know today its ur weight, tommorow its gonna be something else they comment on. ("Naureen tumhari aankhoon mein bohat distance hai :P) - yeah i have been told that too.

But whatever it is, I cant deny that the weight thing is there - i cant overlook the fat. So I choose to lose it.

Will Naureen accomplish her goal? Will she conquer the demon that all women dread?

I'll keep u posted :)

So lets me face the fats!! :)

My New YEars resolution

Woww! 2010 is here!

I pray that this year is awesome for all of u, AAMEEN :)

Here's my new years resolution: To try to be more thankful; to gaze at what i have and what i can create from it rather than what is waning and has perished!!

I hope i decrease my complaining and increase my thankfulness to Allah for what He has granted me :)

Also, i want to work more towards my Aakhirat. Wana think about death more. its a reality lingering, ready to conquer anytime. I want to be prepared.

And also, eat healthy and be healthy and not starve myself! And take care of myself :) :)

i think losing weight is every woman's new year resolution!

By the Way

And by the way, the pain goes away everyday :)

After I share my words.

Love,
N

The Ultimate Test

The ultimate test of all.

To love someone since the day you were born and losing them. Not physically but emotionally. Being taken in an isolated place where its you and the person you love. And seeing the monsters around them.. monsters that linger in memory of yours.

And you make a run for your life. For the person you love has changed. Your voice is the same. Loving. Strong, still has the "I will take care of everything" ring to it. Only now I know ur words are hollow coz u failed me. And everyday, I want to be near you again. And tell you that I love you. The conversation ends within me - my love is unacquired now - or rather, disillusioned. All the love I still feel within turns into sharp, pointed pieces of wood every day. And every day I sigh and bleed bit by bit. And I love you. I still do.

And everynight, I heal. A little bit from the wounds of my love, a little bit from the wounds of you.

One day I will heal significantly. One day. Its like writing drafts every day. One day I will nail this pain. INSHALLAH, one day I will and you will perish into obseleteness for me.

Such is the pain of love. This is the power of perseverance.

Love,
N

Love

And then it dawned on her.
How much she loved him.
What love was like in reality. In reality, love is a bird. it keeps flying and its free. No matter how close u r, u can never grab it. It is the fall of a person - the feeling after jumping. Being helpless. Dont know where u will land. On the mercy of Thy Lord is love.

And no matter how hard she tried. When she thought she really understood his love, the love waned. Its.... hard. She felt overwhelmed by his words and it made her crave for more. But the bird choose to fly ahead.

Will it come back? She doesnt know. She can hear the bird's occassional chirping though and feel its presence and a vaccuum left behind.

Love,
Naureen